Friday, April 17, 2009

Opening This Week

We've got a weekend of blockbusters on our hands, folks. And of all of the openings only two look like they might be half decent and that's just because one has a pretty sweet cast and one has Michael Caine. Anyway, here we go:

State of Play
US congressman, Stephen Collins (Ben Affleck), is rising higher and higher in popularity, until his research assistant/mistress is murder. That's when the floodgates of his secrets are opened and shit hits the fan. It's up to two ruthless reporters, Cal McCaffrey (Russell Crowe) and Della (Rachel McAdams) to uncover the truth. However, things are harder than they seem with Cal's friendship to Stephen, their bitchy editor (Helen Mirren), and a conspiracy that is beyond what they imagined. Also starring Robin Wright Penn, Jason Bateman, and Jeff Daniels.

Crank 2: High Voltage

If you have seen the first one then you know that some dude (Jason Statham) falls from a helicopter at the end and dies. If not, I just ruined the bad ending. Sue me. Anyway, it turns out he's not dead and a group of assholes stole his heart and replaced it with some artificial battery powered one. He goes on a wild killing spree in search of his heart for a whole 96 minutes. That's about it. Also starring Amy Smart.

17 Again
If you have ever seen a movie in your life ever then you have probably already seen this idea before. Some old guy (Matthew Perry) is suddenly turned back into his 17 year old self (Zac Efron) and he needs to navigate high school and lead a life that will better his adult existence. It stars Zac Efron so I already knocked a few stars off of my rating for it. But I do give him credit for taking on such a new and different role. /sarcasm

Is Anybody There?
You'll only be able to see this one if you happen to live in New York or LA. It's about a ten year old boy (Bill Milner) who is growing up in an elderly-care facility that is run by his parents. The story centers around his bond with the home's newest arrival, a retired magician named Clarence (Michael Caine). Also starring no one important.

Sleep Dealer
Here's another one for you lucky folks who live in New York or LA. Memo (Luis Fernando Peña) intercepts a radio transmission that motivates him to leave his home and go to Tijuana. When he gets there, he goes to dangerous lengths to secure himself a job in the hi-tech factories that he once only dreamed about. Debut from newcomer Alex Rivera and it doesn't look too great.

So pretty much, you can see a political thriller starring everyone under the sun, Jason Statham blow shit up and kill people for an hour and a half, a 21 year old playing a 17 year old, an old magician woo a little boy, or some dude traveling to Tijuana. Personally, I'd go see the magician, but that's just because I'm hoping he'll be able to teach me a thing or two about wooing people with my sleight of hand. Hey-o!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Box Office Number For Weekend of 4/10/09

Here are the weekend grosses for this week:
  1. Hannah Montana: The Movie - $34M
  2. Fast & Furious - $28.8M
  3. Monsters vs Aliens - $22.6M
  4. Observe and Report - $11.1M
  5. Knowing - $6.67M
  6. I Love You, Man - $6.41M
  7. The Haunting in Connecticut - $5.71M
  8. Dragonball Evolution - $4.65M
  9. Adventureland - $3.43M
  10. Duplicity - $3M
And there you have it. Hannah fucking Montana steals the box office, followed by another shitty racing movie made by and for bros. Nice job America. Thanks for encouraging them.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Observe and Report

As excited as I was when I saw the first trailer for Observe and Report, it ended up falling short. Quite short. While the funny parts were indeed funny, everything that happened in between got very boring very quickly. The first 40 minutes to an hour were incredibly repetitious. In the end, this movie definitely did not give me enough laughs to outweigh the monotony.

For those of you who do not know the plot, Seth Rogen plays Ronnie Barnhardt, the head of the security team of a local mall. A very Travis Bickle-esque character, Ronnie is bi-polar, very serious, and just as unstable. He lives with his alcoholic, never sober mom and is in love with the tramp who works at the makeup counter in the mall (Anna Faris). After a man wearing nothing but a trench coat runs around the mall flashing people, Ronnie puts all of his effort and energy in working with Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta) to find and arrest him. That's pretty much it.

If there was one truly redeeming quality of this movie, it was the way it crossed lines. The last 10 minutes or so are just as hilarious as they are disturbing. But that was one of the best aspects of this movie. It made you laugh at things that you shouldn't laugh at. It made you laugh and then feel bad for laughing. I can almost promise you that soon people will be making a big deal about the fact that Ray Liotta calls Seth Rogen a faggot and a retard while yelling at him. I give writer/director Jody Hill a lot of credit for being able to write humor with such balls. The scenes that were funny were definitely laugh out loud funny. Some of which had me absolutely hysterical; unfortunately, these scenes still did not make the rest of the movie any better.

As for the parts between the laugh-filled ones, they sucked. Plain and simple. They were tedious and boring, and in some parts I honestly thought I was going to fall asleep. Even some of the parts that were supposed to be funny just weren't. While some may find it funny to watch two guys say "fuck you" back and forth to each other for three to five minutes, I found it obnoxious. Get it? It's funny because they're using potty language! And they're slowly getting quieter as they talk! OMG LOL!!! Shut up.

Overall, this movie failed to bring the comedy I was hoping it too, but did bring enough laughs to not make it a total failure.

I give Observe and Report a 6 out of 10.

Opening This Week

We've got a pretty shitty week for movie openings, folks. We've got 5 new ones and only 2 of them look decent. So without further ado, here we go:

Hannah Montana: The Movie
Need I say more?

Observe and Report
Seth Rogen playing a bi-polar mall security guard. Looks like a pretty dece comedy, so I should be bringing you my review at some point tonight hopefully. Also starring Ray Liotta and Anna Faris.

Dragonball: Evolution
Yes, I am serious. People actually wasted millions of dollars to make this into a movie. My prediction: it's out of theaters within two weeks.

Anvil! The Story of Anvil
Only opening in New York and Los Angeles this week which sucks because it actually looks pretty good. It's the story of old school Canadian metal band Anvil recording their 13th album and trying to get the fame they failed to capture in the 80s. The trailer (here) was pretty good and it reminded me of Spinal Tap, but real.

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh
Haven't really heard much about this one. Apparently, it's about some teen (Jon Foster) who leaves town to get away from his gangster father and explore his life options. He ends up meeting a hedonistic couple and getting into all sort of shenanigans with them. Yeah, I'll pass. Also starring Peter Sarsgaard and Sienna Miller.

So pretty much, if you don't live in New York or LA, your options are Observe and Report and...that's it. Unless you want to see some travel-across-the-world-and-see-if-my-life-makes-sense bullshit. I'll be seeing Observe and Report myself in a few hours so check back later to see my review.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Adventureland

So I had the privilege of seeing Adventureland this past weekend, and I must say, I was rather impressed. Ever since The 40 Year Old Virgin came out it seems that every comedy has tried to appear non-scripted and ad libbed. While it works for some films like Superbad, it isn't something that I was too keen of when it decided to stick around for almost four years. It's getting old. However, Adventureland didn't even try to take that approach. And I'm glad it didn't.

Semi-autobiographical about Superbad director Greg Mottola, Adventureland tells the story of James (Jesse Eisenberg),a nerdy virgin writer, who gets screwed (pun intended) out of a backpacking trip throughout Europe during the summer vacation before he goes away to grad school in New York City. His family is a little low on money, so to make a few bucks, he gets a job at a local theme park. James begins making friends with his fellow employees, a ragtag crew featuring the hilarious husband-wife duo (Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig), the other nerd (Martin Starr), the cool maintenance guy (Ryan Reynolds), and the two conflicting love interests, Em (Kristen Stewart) and Lisa P (Margarita Levieva).

What really makes this film stand out amongst the other piles of crap is the fact that the comedy is subtle. As opposed to constant dick and fart jokes, the humor of this film often lies in the background. Whether it's realizing that the park is playing that goddamned Amadeus song again or noticing the extreme lengths the park will go to to prevent people from winning giant stuffed pandas, the humor is constant and feels very real. It makes the film as a whole feel very real and believable.

However, there is one detail that really drags the film down. And by detail, I mean person: Kristen Stewart. Maybe it's just me, but I think she's mentally challenged and no one ever told her so she thinks she's normal. Watching her act is almost painful. She makes the same dumbfounded face in almost every shot, and when she speaks, it looks like she has to think very hard about the words the are coming out of her mouth. What makes things worse for her is that she is surrounded by a great cast and it makes her sucking stick out much more.

Aside from Kristen Stewart, Adventureland is a great film and I highly recommend it. Whether you're in the mood for a comedy or a coming-of-age story, this film is great.

I give Adventureland an 8 out of 10.

Welcome!

So it appears as though you have stumbled upon my own little slice of internet elitism. This is my little area where I get to shit on movies and act like I could make better ones when you and I both know I can't. But fuck it, that's what the internet has turned into as of late anyway, right? A bunch of people who act like their shit doesn't stink while they talk about how much better they are than every other breathing thing on earth. Well, I'll try my best to make sure that I don't turn into one of them, but for the time being you will need to keep in mind that I am very opinionated and have absolutely no problem saying what is on my mind.

Anyway, welcome to my blog! Check back often, as updates will be sporadic. Going to see movies isn't nearly as cheap as it used to be so don't expect to come on here everyday to find a new review. I will make sure to post my reviews shortly after seeing the film and shortly after the films are released. I will also make sure to post movie openings every Friday and hopefully box office numbers every Sunday/Monday.

Please let your friends know about this site and feel free to email me any movie news you have found.

-RF